Friday March 8th 2019.

Much to the disappointment of the crowd, I’d returned safe and well from the Indian Subcontinent. Thanks to AWR and Jeff for filling your Saturday morning page in my absence. Just for me, Brian did a whaling song. I filled up with emotion (I’d have preferred poaching or transportation, but beggars, choosers etc.). There was frankly a gratuitous amount of blood and vomit and several members of the audience switched on their phones to call the number for counselling. “Bonny Light Horseman” has always been one of my favourites in Brian’s repertoire, but “jazzing it up” with some fingertapping didn’t work for me.

Alun’s offering of “Language of the Heart” was sadly marred by the snot dripping post nasally onto his vocal cords and projected on to the people on the front row. This was a song introduced to us by the late and much missed John Wright; there is still plenty of his stuff on YouTube so those who never had the pleasure should spend half an hour having a listen.

Alun was refusing to do any Scottish songs tonight, due to Wales impending defeat at the rugby, but Mike had no such qualms with “Jock o’ Hazeldean”, Sir Walter Scott’s only number 1 hit. It was sung in Mike’s best BBC English.

There were ongoing road repairs outside Tynewydd, which had caused problems as the temporary traffic lights were all stuck on red.

Jeff prattled on for several minutes till the road roller outside (sounded like it was inside) had moved on. He had “revised” his version of “Hesitation Blues”. Still excellent, but I don’t remember any carpet layers or physiotherapists in the original.

I was next to be invited to perform. I strode on to the stage area to a round of sarcastic applause as the reality of the situation hit the audience. Jez Lowe’s “Small Coal” was better than expected, although to be honest expectations were rather low. There are on average 400 deaths per day on Indian roads. I put this down to drivers putting their faith in a little plastic god (usually Ganesh) on the dashboard, believing they can then drive like loonies (is that no longer a pc term?) with impunity. This was my reason for singing “Plasic Jesus”. At least the chorus was popular.

Adrian started with the tale of a young man dieing (dying? Discuss in less than 500 words) of sexually transmitted disease. EmCee was later to question the lack of many major symptoms. Following a short stick dance there was filth with a Jolly Tinker.


One of the highlights of the night was Sheila’s poetry reading to celebrate International Women’s Day. It’s a shame Sheila only emerges on special occasions to perform – we would like to hear her on a more regular basis.

The Snowball wasn’t won so it rolls over to £30 next week.

It was Val’s birthday. She didn’t bring in any cakes. Val has also recently been to the Subcontinent (albeit a different part to me) where she was competing in “The Rumble in Rajasthan”, Asia’s most prestigious cage fighting contest. In the first round she quickly brushed aside The Punjabi Princess, but then, rather unfairly, came unstuck when Mumbai Mistress, who had obviously been listening to Adrian’s songs, whipped out a shillelagh from between her voluminous breasts and lamped poor Val on the head. Despite blood, cerebrospinal fluid and brain tissue oozing through the fracture, Val stuck an Elastoplast over the cleft in her skull and was game to carry on, but the fight was stopped.

Part 2 opened with four from Mel, many related to the aforementioned Women’s Day, including our selection for this week’s track, “On again,on again” aka “I love a good bum on a woman”. Others, to drive home the point, were”Don’t get married girls” and “”You’re 16, you’re beautiful, we met on line”. Priceless.

Time for a round each before I rounded off the night with some highbrow content, “My Old Man’s a Dustman”.

It’s AGM on April 26th. If anyone (we know who you are) wants to make amendments to the constitution (it’s on this website), putit in writing before then.

Enjoy Mel.


One Response to “Friday March 8th 2019.”

  1. Lord Blythin of Gallt Melyd Says:

    He he, nice one.

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